“Until you learn to heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed into the future.” Iyania Vanzant
Why is it so important for us to forgive?
It is important for us to forgive, as when we are able to fully let go of the past, we will be able to be more present, focused, have more energy, joy and abundance in our lives. Old anger, resentment and grudges drag us down; it saps our energy and keeps us locked in a negativity spiral of victimisation and blame.
But what if someone did something really terrible, like abuse or murder?
It is especially important to forgive the big stuff, and some of us will work on this stuff for an entire lifetime in order to do so. My mother’s father ritualistically sexually abused me, when I was a child. It is impossible for me to know exactly when the abuse started, but it ended when I was almost 11 years old. It has taken me a very long time to truly forgive my grandfather, but it has been worth all the effort. I do not see myself as a victim of abuse any longer. This is not to deny the abuse that did happen, it simply means I am not locked in the victim mentality of it anymore. EFT, or tapping on the meridian points while making specific affirmations really helped me to let go of the trauma, the anger, and the resentment. It is easy to say to someone to forgive, but not that easy to actually do. I believe in the techniques I teach, as I’ve used them on myself. I know they work.
So how DO you forgive someone like your grandfather?
It is a process, but can be sped up with EFT, or other similar energy healing techniques. First we need to accept our own feelings of anger, rage, frustration, pain, victimisation, etc. We need to fully love and accept ourselves for what we went through and our feelings. Next we need to express our feelings by talking or writing or shouting about it in a safe and held environment. When we express our feelings while tapping the meridian points we actually release the trauma and the locked negative energy from the mind, body and spirit. I remember seeing a Jungian Psychologist for 2 years during my University years, and I spoke about the abuse over and over again. It was nice to talk to someone, but the pain and anguish of it all never lifted. I felt stuck. When I discovered Applied Kinesiology and my practitioner started doing emotional work with me using tapping and the Australian Bush Flower Remedies, I was totally flabbergasted at how powerful this work was. I would feel clearer and lighter after each and every session. Healing is a process, and like the layers of an onion, we need to peel away each layer bit by bit. To truly forgive I believe that one very effective way, is to use EFT and to tap through the following:
- The actual event
- Our feelings about the event
- What we want to happen, or how we would have wanted it to happen instead of what actually happened
- Our fear of letting go of the anger, resentment or grudge.
- Our feelings of victimisation, and tapping on taking responsibility. This means we empower ourselves by taking responsibility for attracting the situation to learn certain soul lessons. We then tap through what the situation has taught us. This is incredibly powerful work.
- Now we start to tap on forgiveness and letting go. We can imagine ourselves high above situation seeing it from a higher perspective, so it becomes easier to understand the other person or situation.
- Forgiveness meditation. I really like the following:
Loving kindness meditation: Linda Sparrowe, co-leads yoga and meditation retreats for women with cancer in Colorado and Massachusetts. She suggests reciting the following short prayer to ease your heart. Sit in a comfortable position. Set the intention to practice this meditation without judgment and with a healthy dose of affection for yourself. Inhaling and exhaling through your heart, visualize a time when you were really happy and experience that feeling now. Recite, silently, the following statements:
‘May I be filled with loving kindness; May I be peaceful; May I be healthy; May I be happy.’
Repeat the prayer over and over again for several minutes, feeling as though you are swaddled in loving kindness. When you feel ready, substitute the name of person you wish to forgive for the word ‘I’. Set the intention to wrap this person in the love you now hold in your heart.
Another great mantra is the famous ho’oponopono prayer, “I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you”
As you can see, that even with our finest healing techniques it still takes time and effort, but the reward is incredible. Not only do you get your freedom and energy back, but your boundaries will strengthen too. As you tap through and learn the lessons involved with the situation your boundaries will strengthen so as not to repeat the lesson again. When we truly learn a lesson in this way, we are breaking old negative patterns, and breaking free form past karma too. It is well worth the effort!
It is important to note that some of us may not feel ready to forgive. In order for this work to be truly effective you need to WANT to let go. The same would apply for instance if you wanted to stop smoking cigarettes. The desire to let go is the first and probably most important step in the forgiveness process.